Not quite the worst
by TheCSIgirl
Summary: Response to elemental challenge set by Candice.


Response to elemental challenge set by Candice.  
Elements:   
Mention of The Darwin Awards.  
The evidence eating the evidence.  
Fingerprints on a mechanical pencil.  
A can of Dr. Pepper.  
And the line: "Sometimes I wonder when all the creative killers got up and got the hell out of Dodge. Er. Vegas."  
Word limit is completely nonexistent.  
Disclaimer: I asked politely if the wanted me to take CSI off there hands. They declined.  
Author: Meeee! (TheCSIgirl, Jai, TLC4GSR)  
AU (I hope!)  
Nota bene: I haven't done an elemental challenge before, so it is pretty rubbish.

The Year: 2008

Flashback to the Year 2000.

Grissom and Sara sat in the lab with Greg.

"So. You both know why I'm here..... I'm gonna take your DNA for profiling. Swab 'em Cath!"

Catherine Willows swabbed the inside of the two disgruntled CSI's cheeks. They had no choice - they had lost a bet to Greg.

"And here's some Dr Pepper for my willing participants. Help yourself." 

Grissom reached over for a can of the beverage. Sara was reluctant. "Go on Sara. What's the worst that could happen?"

Sara dug her samurai sword-like elbow into Grissom's side. "Did you honestly have to say that?" She asked, before grabbing for the second can.

::Cut to 2008::

Nick and Warrick sat on a bench, observing the small child roaming the labs.

"She looks like a girl version of Griss!" Warrick laughed, noting the glasses and entomology textbook.

"She looks a mini version of Sara!" Chuckled Nick, picking up on strong eyes and butterfly pendant.

Catherine poked her head around the corner, and the three were rapidly joined by Grissom and Sara.

"...Why is there a kid in the lab?" asked Grissom, slowly.

"Beats me." Said Sara, not suprised.

Jim Brass, who was now behind the five decided to take action. "Well if none are you are going to do anything, I'll take her down to the information center."

::Four hours later.::  
"So it's the end of shift, and nobody's come to collect this kid?" asked Grissom.

"Nope." Replied Brass. "We even asked her about her parents. She just froze."

"Okay. Well why don't we test her DNA. Run it through the system. See if we get any matches."

"Your call."

:::: 

It was Greg's day off, and so Grissom took it upon himself to run the sample through, ignoring the lab tech already there for such things.   
Four CSIs crowded the machine.  
Brass stood at the door.  
Grissom leaned across Greg's desk.  
Tucked underneath some assorted paper was a half-written letter.   
"..................   
...................   
.........it would certainly be my pleasure to accept this Nobel award for huge advancement in genetics.  
Yours..."   
The pencil-written draft was abruptly cut short, and it's content intrigued Grissom.  
The machine beeped, and the lab tech pulled out the print-off, and held it to her chest in a 'knowledge is power' fashion.  
Her eyes widened to their boundaries.  
The 6 person team looked on in sheer curiosity.  
"...Mr. Grissom, may I have a private word with you?"  
The four other CSIs left the room.  
"Alone." She directed at Brass.

They peered onto the sheet. "But that's impossible!" Said Grissom. With no science to back him up, Grissom was seamless fabric, ready to fall apart.

"Mr. Grissom, this machine is extremely accurate."

Grissom looked, in awe, at the printout. The child sitting in the information center had alleles in common both with him, and a Ms. S Sidle, and it didn't take a genius to work out who that was.

"Greg!...no...he wouldn't?...would he?...he couldn't?" Grissom thought out loud. 

He went over to Greg's desk, and catalogued it all as evidence. A piece of paper here, a writing implement there.

"Soo...what are we going to do with the child, Mr. Grissom?"

He thought long. "She can lay up in my office. I'll watch her." 

He continued. He scraped bits of graphite pencil lead from different pencils on Greg's desk. He clipped some of the handwritten notes. "Can you send these down to trace for comparison?"

He fumed the pencils for prints, which he then sent down for putting onto A.F.I.S.

"Mr. Grissom. Should I inform Ms Sidle of the situation?"

He ignored the question.

:::: 

Grissom half snorted. Then silence. He shuffled around on his chair. Then silence. "Well I said 'I can't believe that some one would.........kill.......grunt.....with a....madlaugh...with a...a baseball bat made...from Lego'....."Ha. Sometimes I wonder when all the creative killers got up and got the hell out of Dodge.....Er.. ..Vegas, Eh?"  
Sarcasmtic tone was lost on Grissom's night rambles, and he woke up in a cold sweat.  
He searched his office with his eyes. Nothing. NOTHING!!! There should have been a 7 year girl in there! But nothing!

He got up. Searched around. Each room. He came to the evidence locker. There she was. In the corner. Chewing on a mechanical pencil. 'Yikes! ' Grissom's brain said. 'That's evidence!' It echoed. The man dashed, super-heroically, to remove the half eaten pencil from the girls mouth.

::Cut to Greg in the interrogation room.::

"Why am I here?" He queried innocently. Neither Grissom or Sara replied. "So...whose the bad cop?" He said in jest. "Eh? C'mon. Loosen up a bit!"

Grissom lifted a box of evidence onto the metal table.

"You must have known we'd find out." Sara said coldly.

"This, Greg, is a letter, accepting a Nobel prize for you research into genetics. See, we sent some of this letter down to trace. Compared the graphite's composition to this mechanical pencil. Exact match. And your fingerprints were all over it."

Greg broke. "Okay, okay, I admit it. I made a kid from your and Sara's DNA. It was selfish. I wanted a Nobel prize so badly. Four generations of my family have died in incidents worthy of Darwin Awards! I wanted to be different! I wanted to do something important. And then Catherine came up with the perfect plan..."

Warrick and Nick looked at Catherine, shocked, from behind the mirror. 

"...One that would ensure you and Sara would come to see how much you mean to each other. And one that would see my career rocket."

"Shall we let him off?" Chuckled Grissom. "I don't see why not!" Sara said, slipping her fingers between his, and leaning in to kiss him.

Cue excessive winking from Greg and Catherine.

------------------   
Thanks for reading!


End file.
